Shenzhen Sojourn Ⅱ

Identical Twins? BOGOF!? #

Just over a year ago, I was dating a gorgeous little keyring polyp. A teeny pink and blue teratoma, now with a bulging back-end thanks to the trio of non-rechargeable LR44 button cells questionable integrity. Yet emblazoned in my fan's memories as the inaugural Shenzhen artifact, immortalised in Shenzhen Safari Ⅰ.

One Ugly Faux-Nugget #

So why do I harken back to Shenzhen Safari Ⅰ's Pocket Multi-Game 99-in-1? What does that have to do with this curiously pleasant to the touch, silky matt oversized clone McDonald's rip-off Chicken Nugget Tetris game machine?

Well, the software and screen is nearly-identical. Sure it's a bigger screen, but all the artifacts are identical. The games are the same, just reordered so Tetris is #1.

Identical games, but being physically much larger, with ergonomically spongy grip and big buttons suits my shovel-like banana hands far more so than the clumsy nail-edge stabbing of the PMG 99-in-1.

What you lose in portability, you gain in playability. Is that a teratoma in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me? Identical twins? More like Schwarzenegger and DeVito's Twins.

Buy your very own hideous but smooth nugget here.

Grimace’s Birthday #

A new Game Boy Color (GBC) game dropping 2023 years after the death of many people's lord and saviour: Jesus Christ. Hard to believe, isn't it? The GBC only had 1998-2001, a paltry innings compared to the original Game Boy's 1989-1998(?) production run. Such is the relentlessly accelerating march of technology.

Remarkable. The graphics and animation are. The overly long intro screens and turgid gameplay are not. Criminal really. Decades of evolution in game design freely available to couch from, and the resulting game is a limp and soggy derivative of the snappy and fresh OlliOlli skateboarding platformer. In fact, it reminds me more of the Commodore Amiga's Soccer Kid; an exciting idea, poorly executed.

Though what's the harm in adding to your personal horde of collectible plastic trash, and contributing further to the death of our liveable earth, as predicted in Asimov's Foundation series of books among other works by authors for thousands of years?

Go on then. Fund then skate to Grimace's counterfeit Birthdayyou sleezy, unthinking capitalist parasite.

• Read the next post: “Discarded. Unloved. (Happy Ending.)”
• Read the previous post: “Saber to the Heart”
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